What to text your ex, and what to never send.

Before you text your ex anything, answer one question honestly: what are you actually hoping happens? Closure, a hookup, getting back together, or just proof that they still think about you? You do not have to like the answer. You do have to know it, because the right message depends entirely on what you actually want, and most regret-texts come from sending before you have admitted it to yourself.

The reach-out that works

If there is a real reason to talk, keep it short, warm, and low-pressure. Reference something specific instead of opening with a heavy "we need to talk." A good ex-text gives them an easy on-ramp to reply without feeling cornered. A callback to an inside joke or a genuine, no-strings "saw this and thought of you" lands far better than a paragraph about your feelings at 1am.

What to never send

• The drunk text. If it is past midnight and you have been drinking, put the phone down. Nothing sent in that window has ever aged well.
• The guilt trip. "I guess you just moved on then" pushes people further away. It reads as a trap, and people do not reply to traps.
• The novel. A wall of text about everything you have been feeling puts all the weight on them and none on you. Keep it light enough that replying feels easy.
• The fake-casual that is not casual. If you are texting "hey stranger" while secretly hoping to get back together, that mismatch shows. Be honest with yourself about the goal even if you do not say it out loud.

Read where it actually stands

An ex texting back is not the same as an ex wanting you back. Watch what they do, not just whether they reply. Quick, warm, asking questions of their own is a green light. Short, slow, polite but closed is a soft no, and chasing a soft no only turns it into a hard one.

The honest move is to send from a place of wanting them, not needing them. If you cannot tell the difference yet, that is the real thing to sort out first.

Not sure if you should hit send? Paste the conversation and Hank will give you the read your friends are too nice to give.